What is the one-word formula for personal growth? Well, it’s going to seem a little simplistic, but with a little contemplation you might find there’s utility in it. Weight loss success depends on it. Peak performance relies on it. Full presence with significant others demands it. The one-word formula for personal growth is subtraction. Once you become an alchemist and remove the dross from your daily practices, you reveal what’s already present… the gold that is your personal potential. Whilst there is merit in adding more competencies and skills to your professional and personal resume, sometimes you can gain incalculable growth by subtracting the unnecessary and inconsequential from your life. Grab your performance calculator and let’s start deducting.
One of the most impressionable metaphors I learnt in the field of personal development was in relation to the onion. This won’t bring tears to your eyes but it might have an emotional connection if you stay open to hearing the wisdom in it. Your growth is much like an onion with all its layers. Peel a layer and another remains. Consider a behaviour or habit that is no longer serving you or the people in your life. Subtract that trait from your life - peel that layer away - and you are revealing a deeper essence of who you are: your magnificent and higher self. If you’ve ever peeled an onion, you’ll notice one layer less is not that revealing nor significant to the overall circumference. However, there’s no denying you are one layer closer to the core. Let this be a reminder for patience and grace towards your personal transformation. Imagine your plate of food minus the extra helping or removing the mobile phone from the social settings. Subtract to gain. Returns are not always grandiose or marked and yet you know intrinsically that you are a better version. Celebrate anyway!
Travel back to 1974 with me for a moment. Talk of coaching for performance was considered a ridiculous notion. In the arena of professional sports, the best practice was centred around improving skills. Mindset was unheard of and amusing to speak of. In comes Timothy Gallwey, author of the book titled "The Inner Game of Tennis”. In his book, Gallwey developed a simple, yet brilliant definition that performance (p) is equal to potential (P) minus interference (I) or P=P-I. Notice the minus? The equation is profound: whatever is interfering, remove it. The difficulty is that not all hindrances are conscious. As it’s been said, you can’t read the label when you’re inside the jar. That’s why I know the coaching space is life changing because I can help people find clarity with insight-provoking dialogue. Returning to present time, this equation was not only a turning point in the sports world. The principle was explored further by Gallwey for career and character development. Nowadays, any self-respecting athlete or corporate executive wouldn’t flinch if you mentioned the idea of hiring a performance coach. Whether they feel they need one or not is another matter altogether.
So, the question is what is interfering right now with your results in character or competency? You may want to start small. As the saying goes, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. My apologies to vegetarians. Let’s take the example of leadership for team engagement. Let’s being with a premise: most leaders give advice whereas a modern effective leader coaches. Consider a team member coming to you with a problem. What if you resisted your advice-giving urge and instead asked thought-provoking questions on what they have in mind and their ideas for resolution. After a profound and jaw-dropping silence (on their part), you might be surprised what emerges. In this example, subtract giving advice. Coaching expert and keynote speaker, Michael Bunger-Stanier, recommends “taming your advice-giving monster”. Perceptive readers will realise this guideline applies to all relationships (yes, even with their teenager).
My martial arts sensei, Master Frank, taught me an invaluable life lesson when I first transitioned from the corporate world to the life of a martial arts instructor. He said, "to grow is to remember who you are”. It had such an indelible impression on me, I never forgot that moment and it was over 25 years ago! I was still a rookie in the world of personal development and being in my late 20’s, I didn’t truly grasp the wisdom shared but it touched something deep in me. With the years of struggle to establish myself a professional instructor whilst contributing to a martial arts business start-up, it made sense. You were born worthy and whole. Pure and potent. Loveable and loving. And then, you grew up. You accumulated labels, adopted beliefs and acquired merchandise. All of which were distractions, although some useful, from your essence.
When you subtract western ego-driven ideals of what constitutes success you can be enlightened to the fact that you had IT all that time. By all means experience the beautiful outer joys such as travel, fine wines and the theatre. Just know they can never touch the true essence of you, which wants nothing. Separate the doer from the deed. Who you truly are is not what you do. What you do is just one of the infinite forms of expression. Now you can go out at play unencumbered. Choose the game you want to play and welcome the wins and losses with equality. Play on!
Now you have the one-word formula for personal growth. What will you do with this knowledge and your own insights from it? Remember insight without action is possibility on pause. The paradox is that you may have to do nothing. You might only need to subtract something and that might be the only action required.